Today is the 3rd Sunday in over 4 yrs that I’ve missed church. One side of me feels like a huge hypocrite and a person that threw in the towel, while another side is sort of excited about the future. No, I haven’t backslidden or joined another church. My allegiance is and will always be to my church. But I need some things to change for the better in my personal life.
When I entered Hughes-Quinn Jr High in 1987, one of the teachers said this: “In elementary, you could possibly tell your parents if your teacher didnt like you. But here, you’ll have 7 teachers. So if you say that all 7 doesnt like you, then YOU have a problem.” I will never forget those words yet I cannot tell you which adult said them at the time. Truth be told I seriously need an overhaul with my personality and life.
What’s funny is that at 38, I am celibate. Yes, zero sex. However the people that think they know me feels as if I the modern day Wild Child. So wrong. In fact, on both of my wrists are bands that says THE PACT, which is a group of Christians who refuse to have intercourse until marriage. This fact doesn’t make me anyone special or better than the next man. Just stating facts. Yet it surprises me how I’ve received calls from people who will sware up and down I am a sexual beast. Lord help me. So long as He knows the truth, then so be it.
I believe my mistake in church is that I get overly excited when I am around the saints. When I enter the sanctuary and see everyone mingling, finding their seats and smiling from ear to ear, its as if I am at the party of the century. I am addicted to that atmosphere like a man would be to crack cocaine. As I type this and think about my pastor, before he begins his sermon saying: “Hug and greet the person next to you” I immediately get that little tingling feeling inside. I can rewind that portion of the service over and over and over again, never growing tired of the atmosphere of love going forth.
My “bad lapse of judgment” is my actions. For some reason, the body of Christ (the church) brings the kid out of me. In that atmosphere, I am 15 all over again. My approach is to be to everyone whatever they need at that given time. If a brother needs help moving furniture at his place, CALL ME. If a sister needs me to come to her home and move a heavy flat screen, I’M YOUR MAN. If someone needs a poem written about a lover leaving and they want to show him they are over him, I HAVE THE PEN AND PAPER. For as long as I can remember, I have always tried to be the purest of people when it comes to church. No, not being phony, just an extra hand to help, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear and even a wallet to loan. Yet I have failed God and myself in this department.
For starters, even though I see the entire church as I see Yolanda Nelson and Clarence Quinn, my blood brothers and sisters. When I see a brother from my church on the street, that is my BLOOD. When I see a sister from my church that is my BLOOD. I have never been able to differentiate the two. They are my lifeline, my family I’ve never had and the puzzle piece that’s been missing from my life. But I have to realize that everyone doesnt think as I do. This doesnt make them right or wrong, just difference of opinions. I think when you’re forever in everyone’s face trying to be Mr. Everything You Need, it backfires drastically. There’s no fault in God, so the blame is in the man I see staring at me in the mirror. Well today I will take charge of Larry Nelson and rewrite the negatives and turn them into positives.
Robert Greene has a book called The 48 Laws of Power. I found out about this book when rapper 50 Cent kept name dropping it. Well, the book is beyond good. Its one of my top 5 books of All Time. Law #25: Re-Create (reinvent) Yourself. In it, he talks about how a sabbatical can change the way you’re viewed. If a person is constantly around you, their views of you are set in stone. But if you re-emerge after some time, you can reinvent yourself from head to toe.
I knew a woman growing up, who for the sake of saying her name, I’ll call her “Suzie Q”. She was known in the South End where I grew up as a very seductive young woman whose reputation was known as “easy” as well as a “fighter”. Yes, she was loose legged, but she would fight at the drop of a dime too, so you kept your opinions to yourself. Well something happened with “Suzie Q”. She got pregnant. What she did was simply stayed in the house for the ENTIRE 9 months and never, I repeat NEVER came outside. Soon, her name went from nasty sayings to inquisitive as to her whereabouts. When she emerged about 11 months later, her reputation was now “Suzie Q” the mom, because you saw her with a motherly figure, pushing a stroller and just being a mother. I never again heard anyone talking or bragging about being with her because it didnt happen. She reinvented herself. Law 25 works.
I think I will go into seclusion from everyone and everything besides work and re-emerge not as the “always-smiling-in-everyone’s-face” Larry, but as the “Christ-first-Business-second-serious Larry. I’m 38 yrs of age, and to constantly have run in’s with people on various things, I must look in the mirror and operate on the man that I see. I know I’m a very good guy, but things must change in my life. Again, still depressed as this is the 3rd Sunday I’ve missed in 4 yrs, and I hate it! But I’ve got to change Larry Nelson’s name, character and legacy.
I WILL Re-Invent Myself………for the better.
Pray for me, all who read this.